I’ll save bandwidth for the nice people here at WordPress and simply give you a link if you’re interested in seeing the map/elevation/splits for tonight’s run.
Distance: 6.01 miles
Avg. Speed: 12:43 min/mile
Calories: 896 kcal (Again – ROBBED. It’s the heat and the humidity people!)
As I run along I have this monologue that plays in my head. I thought I would try to recapture some of it and share with you here. You’ll thank me.
On Playlist Choices:
If you have adult life experience memories from the year a particular artist was born, you probably have no business using their music to set your running pace.
On the other hand, if you have high school sweetheart memories associated with a particular artist, their stuff is probably exactly what you need to be running to.
There’s no walking when Boom Boom Pow comes up on your playlist. The BEPs don’t play that. (I call them “The BEPs” because we’re tight like that me and them.)
I don’t care how much you love any song off of David Bowie’s 1983 hit machine album Let’s Dance accidentally having them duplicated on your playlist makes them annoying.
On Running/Biking Trail Etiquette:
Two phrases: “On your left!” or “Behind you!” Pick one. Familiarize yourself with it. Practice it while you’re putting on those funky, colorful bodysuits, and USE THEM WHEN COMING UP BEHIND A RUNNER!!
Pricing Tiny Little Stop-Sticks in Memphis
Dear Fellow Trail Users:
If you are fit enough to carry the Gu Packet in with you, open it up and suck out its contents, I’m pretty sure you have the strength to carry the empty packet out.
You are an embarrassment to us all.
Dear People Who Live Along the Trail:
Do you have to fire up your grills and make food smells while people are running?!
Have you no decency? No compassion?
You’re just mean
On The Run Itself:
Is that a twinge? No. No, that’s just tightness. Tightness is okay. I can work through tightness.
WTW?! Where did that cyclist come from?! Dude! Bell. Get one!
Feelin’ pretty good now. Wait. Slow down! You will pay for this if you don’t!
Later That Same Run: I told you to slow down back there!
Gotta get-get, gotta get-get
Gotta get-get, gotta g-g-g-get-get-get, get-get
That’s right! I’m running with The BEPs! It’s me and Fergie and Will-I-Am and . . . Yeah me and them! Let’s get that Boom Boom Pow!
I need to walk for a minute. No. Wait. I can totally pass those walkers up there first. Okay, cool.
Passing the walkers… Gotta look cool and Runnery and strong.
Keep it going, here we go . . . Have they no manners?! Don’t they know The Rule: Slower movers to the right? Yo! Two abreast at most not six! *sighs*
Okay got around them. I need to walk a min . . . No. No. I’m not going to pass walkers and then start walking. Just keep running.
How many times has the smiling-a-little-too-much dude on the bike turned around and passed and re-passed me? This is suspicious. What if he’s a serial killer? HCRP is miles ahead of me and won’t know anything has happened until he gets back to the car and I’m not there. Crap. I could call him. No, wait, that’s stupid. Back-and-Forth Guy is probably lost and can’t remember which end of the Greenline he started at. Yeah, that’s it. There he is again. Hmmm… Okay here’s The Plan: IF Back-and-Forth Guy turns out to be a serial killer and forces me off the trail I’ll drop my sweat towel HCRP will totally see that and know something is amiss. I can keep my Endomondo program running on my phone until we stop then quick end the program and it will upload and they’ll know exactly where I am. See? This is why I never miss an episode of Criminal Minds. I would totally make a great FBI Profiler.
Who moved the mile markers?! I would have sworn that 2.5 miles was just past this overpass. It was here the last time I ran this far. Maybe that’s why Back-and-Forth Guy keeps doing his back and forth thing. He’s moving the dang mile markers! Jerk!
There it is. There’s the twinge. Time to walk. Dammit!
Great, I said a cuss. I can’t blog a cuss. If my mother is secretly reading my blog she’ll be so mad at me.
Okay. We’re walking, we’re walking. We’re stopping to stretch.
Remember Julianne, it isn’t about the time it’s about finishing the distance.
Ya’ know what? I am totally gonna be able to do this half-marathon in September!
And that 10K next month. No matter how hot it is. Or how many hills there are.
Wait. Terri Lee says Mutherhill and Jr. Mutherhill are on that course. Crap. I’m gonna die. The Mutherhills are gonna kill me.
Okay if I keep adding a mile every week between now and then by June 23rd I’ll be up to . . Wait what’s today? The 19th? The 20th? Where’s a calendar when I need one? When did figuring dates become like math?
Okay, I need to walk now. No. Wait. Dangit! There’s that wad of teenagers I am totally not going to be walking when I get to them. I was running when I passed them going one way, I will not be the ‘old fat lady’ who had to stop running and walk. Run past them. Correction: Run around them since they clearly didn’t get the “Don’t Walk Six Abreast With Three Dogs” Memo! *GAH* Kids!
Okay, got around them. Run a little further. Good. Good. It’s cool to walk now.
There’s the 0.0 mile marker we are Home Free now baybee! Just hush and keep running. Finish. Running. Always finish running.
And so it goes inside my brain while I run.
It’s no wonder HCRP decided to reduce his time and run ahead of me. He’s been treated to all of this leaking down through my sinuses from my brain into my mouth and out past my lips more than a few times.
Don’tcha wanna run with me?!
The truth is I went into this run filled with more than a little nervousness since the last time I ran six miles was The Last Time I Ran for two months.
I kept telling myself that it’s different this time.
I have fully rehabbed my injury (Runner’s Knee if this is your first time stumbling across me).
I have trained gradually and am pacing myself.
I’m not running for the first time in brand new, different brand/type shoes.
I even have on new, better socks!
And at The End of The Run it wasn’t The End of Me Running and I did six miles that I finished running rather than limping or sitting at a corner waiting for HCRP to come back with the car to pick me up.
Yes, there was a mile in there that I walked almost all of (mile 5 at a nearly 16:00 minute/mile pace). And as much as I had wanted to come in at about four minutes less than I did, I kept telling myself that (for now) it isn’t about time – it’s about ever increasing distance and finishing running, vertical, and wanting to do it again!
And I did all of those things.
I really needed this!